Here are a few things I learned from The De-Textbook:

  • Velociraptor looked more like “knee-high, flamboyant little monkey birds” than the terrifying man-sized predators depicted in Jurassic Park.
  • Thomas Edison was kind of like the Shia LaBeouf of his day in that he shamelessly pawned off other people’s inventions as his own.
  • Science is not totally sure how many planets are in our solar system as new objects are continually being discovered within our asteroid belt.
  • Abraham Lincoln was like a giant with superhuman strength who not only carried massive “stone-filled crates, weighing between 1,000 and 1,200 pounds,” when he was a mere stripling but also, at his first campaign speech, literally lifted a disorderly audience member off the ground and threw him.
  • And while we are on the topic of U.S. presidents, John Quincy Adams believed the earth was hollow and wanted to use taxpayer dollars to dig into the North Pole, hoping to find a subterranean colony of mole people.

According to popular humor website Cracked.com, much of what you know is just flat-out wrong. Do you remember your favorite teacher from grade school? You know, the kindly one who always smiled and handed out gold stars and watermelon-flavored Jolly Ranchers whenever you answered a question correctly? Yeah, well, she was a stone-cold liar. Don’t worry though, Cracked.com’s The De-Textbook will you straight and undo all the misinformation that the educational system fed you throughout the years. Now a word of warning: If you are not familiar with Cracked.com, there is a strong possibility that its irreverent and vulgar brand of satirical humor will offend you. If you dislike that kind of humor, are easily offended, and object to profanity, I highly suggest you to stay far, far away.

Now, having said all that, I would be remiss in my duty as a librarian if I did not tell you that The De-Textbook is not an authoritative resource for factual information. In fact, I would highly advise you to be a little skeptical of anything you read in The De-Textbook. That’s not to say that many (if not all) of its factual claims are true, but I would highly advise fact checking anything you learn from it before citing it in a scholarly research paper. After all, the book’s purpose is to entertain and make you laugh; learning anything in the process is just an added benefit.