Twas the night of Thanksgiving and all through the house,
Relatives were screaming cuz Grandma saw a mouse,
That’s not a mouse, you crazy ol’ bat…
That’s Hannah and Her Sisters’ scrawny ol’ cat!
I can’t believe we’ve got to stay here for another two days,
Screw you and your “Ooh, let’s go Home for the Holidays!”
Now, honey, please calm down, let’s see What’s Cooking,
Oh, good lord, why is there fuzz on Aunt Polly’s plum pudding?
Cuz they’re trying to kill us! They’re nuts! I told you last year,
But, nooooo, you said, “That’s just crazy talk, dear.”
Now, go check the computer, there have to be some travel deals,
Please, I’ll take anything…Planes? Trains? Automobiles?
Honey, here, sit down, let me get you a drink,
They’re really not so bad, well, not as bad as you think,
You just need to give them a chance, you’ve got to be willing…
Willing? Me? Willing? Come here, sweetie, it’s time…
…for a little Thankskilling!